i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
