Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
