Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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