This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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