I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
