Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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