I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
