i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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