Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
