I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
