i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
