I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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