i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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