Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
