There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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