my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
