Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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