My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
