It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
