I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize