You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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