for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
