you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
