you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
