I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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