Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize