I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
