farters have to be the big spoon...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
