So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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