Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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