i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
