how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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