I hate your face
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Let's paint friendship bongs
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
