thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize