so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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