i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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