Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize