She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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