I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
