Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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