Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
