Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
