i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm passing your future prison.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Randomize
