i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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