I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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