You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
