haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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