were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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