This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
