I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
