Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
