How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize