Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
