Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
