Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
