I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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