I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
In America we eat man semen.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
