he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
