I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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