So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
