Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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