Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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