its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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