i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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