If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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