New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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