I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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