I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
