when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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