I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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