i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
