Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
