brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
