i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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