I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
