He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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