Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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