I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
