I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
