OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
