Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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