He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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