that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
