i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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