Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
