We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
