Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
