So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I did not marry a roomba.
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