One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
