My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
